Algebraic Independence Day party ends in tragedy

Controversy erupted at the transcendental numbers’ annual Algebraic Independence Day party today when π arrived with potato salad even though he’d been assigned apple pie in the event invite. When confronted by e, π asserted he was “tired of being pigeonholed.” He then threatened to cut anyone who made a pie joke.

According to eyewitnesses, γ, otherwise known as the Euler-Mascheroni constant, urged π to “act rational.” π responded by forcibly removing γ from the party, insisting he not come back until he could prove he was transcendental.

Several other numbers thought to be transcendental rallied to γ’s defense, physically attacking π.

The mathematical constant, beloved by many around the world, was rushed to l’Hôpital, where he is reported to be in critical condition.

Asked to comment on the incident, e insisted “it was the principle of the matter. The Liouville numbers brought enough potato salad for everyone. π thinks he can get away with anything because he’s popular. The rest of us have had enough.”

The animosity between e and π spells bad news for mathematicians, who for years have been trying to figure out whether both the sum and product of these two numbers are transcendental.

Noted mathematician Dr. Harold Factor had this to say: “We know either π or e+π is transcendental, possibly both, but how are we supposed to make progress if these two numbers can’t be in the same room together?”

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