Internal Memo: Santa Resigns

A story a day until there’s a sleigh! This holiday season, I’m sharing a new flash fiction piece inspired by a holiday song every day of December until Christmas. Today’s story is inspired by Santa Lost a Ho (and Jack Dorsey’s recent departure from Twitter).

To My Dear Elves and Reindeer:

After over two centuries of delivering presents to children by sleigh every Christmas Eve, I’ve decided to resign as Chief Present Deliverer of North Pole Enterprises. I know many of you may be wondering why.

It’s always been my belief that by giving gifts to children we not only bring them joy in receiving but also cultivate a spirit of generosity that collectively across generations can transform the world. It was never my intention to have the idea of Christmas gift giving be embodied by one white bearded man with a belly that shakes like a bowl full of jelly but rather to challenge each child to find the Santa spirit in themselves.

With this in mind, I’ve decided it best to step down as the face of Christmas and allow new leadership to rise up. After an extensive search and interview process, the board has selected Mariah Carey as the new Chief Present Deliverer, and I couldn’t be more happy about their decision. Since the 1994 debut of her album Merry Christmas, Mariah’s music has become synonymous with the Christmas season. No doubt she’ll be a hit behind the sleigh like she’s been on the holiday pop charts.

In addition to the selection of Mariah, the board has also elected Jesus Christ as its chair. As we all know, Jesus is the reason for the season–he puts the Christ in Christmas. I’m confident that rooted as He is in the real meaning of Christmas, Jesus will be able to lead North Pole Enterprises forward while maintaining our connection to the past. Also, with the supply chain issues anticipated this year, we’re going to need a miracle to pull off all our deliveries, and Jesus specializes in those.

Finally, despite what the Coke ads may want you to believe, I am not a perfect man. Still, Mrs. Claus has stood by my side all these years, a true partner in our holiday endeavors, and for that, I am forever grateful. I can’t wait to spend more time with her at our beach house in Boca Raton.

I will remain in the workshop until the end of the year to support Mariah and Jesus through this transition, but this will be my last Christmas at the North Pole. I love you all and am grateful for the time we have spent together bringing joy to the world.

Ho ho,

Santa Claus

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