Tuesdays with Toes – Character Inspiration

Twenty-two installments into Tuesdays with Toes, it’s clear that Toes is a muse for me. I love documenting our life together through these posts, but Toes has inspired me in other artistic realms as well. Namely, on stage as Cattail, a character I play in an ongoing series of cat themed comedy shows written by my sketch group, Eternal Slumber Party.

This Friday we’re set to debut the third show in the Jungle Cat Lounge series, My Funny Meowlentine. I love writing and performing in these shows because they’re silly. We dress up as cats, sing songs, and make stupid/brilliant jokes about the feline experience. Being in them also gives me the opportunity to be on stage with my fellow sketch group members who are hilarious.

As an actor, these shows excite me because I’m able to draw on my time with Toes to create a character with emotional resonance. Like Toes, Cattail is a grouchy but ultimately good old cat who has trouble moving and loves taking naps.

Her motivations are simple, which can be key for creating comedy on stage. There was a moment in the first show we did, Have Yourself a Meowy Little Christmas, that was one of my best ever on stage. It was a scene that ended with Cattail alone, singing a sad song and slowly lowering herself into a box to try to take a nap.

I loved seeking the comfort of that box as Cattail and feeling like Toes must when she relaxes into her favorite spots in our yard—wherever there’s half shade and half sunlight so she gets warm but not too warm.

Tuesdays with Toes – Another Poop Story

There’s a guideline in improv that suggests it’s useful to avoid sexual and toilet humor early in a show because once you’ve broken those boundaries it’s difficult to go back to jokes that are less taboo. The thought is that you set the audience’s expectations with your first few scenes and you want them to know you don’t need to rely on vulgar jokes to generate laughs.

I try to adhere to this principle on stage and in my writing, but I breached it last week with my post about Toes pooping on the carpet at my parent’s house. So I guess this week I might as well keep the toilet theme going and share another poop story.

This one is about a time that David was out of town (as so many of these stories go) and Toes had an incomplete poop. I noticed it as she was walking away from me in the garage–a little dried turd affixed to her butt.

“Toes!” I exclaimed. “You’ve got a poop on you.”

I didn’t want to handle the situation, but I knew it was my responsibility. I went back into the house and put on latex gloves, grabbed a plastic bag, and wet some paper towels with warm water.

Back in the garage, I moved with caution worried Toes might bite or scratch me. I held her in place with one hand and tried to work the poop free with the wet paper towel in my other hand. She gave me a low growl–one that indicated her displeasure but also seemed to be thanking me for my effort–the old lady knew she needed her butt wiped.

Assisting Toes in this way made me reflect on my own potential for being an old lady and needing this kind of care. Envisioning it scared me in the same way I used to panic in college about having to learn to cook for myself someday. Back then, I would try to keep from hyperventilating by reassuring myself that I could always buy prepared food.

I figured out how to cook pretty much right out of college, and I’ve built up most of the other skills of adulthood since then: budgeting, cleaning, communicating in relationships, taking care of my physical and mental health, etc. Now, at 36, what frightens me is losing these skills. It’s like I’ve hit an inflection point on adulthood–changing from being afraid of never acquiring skills to being afraid of losing what I’ve gained.

In the past, these fears would have easily overwhelmed me. But luckily one of the skills I’ve built up since leaving college is a greater capacity for residing in the present moment. This moment where I am a caregiver helping my cat out of a poopy situation and where I am a writer continuing to lower my reader’s expectations by a heavy reliance on scatological humor. (You’re welcome!)

Tuesdays with Toes – It’s the thought that counts

“Toes is pooping on the floor!”

Sitting in the living room with a view into the dining room, my dad was the only one who could see Toes at that moment. We’d brought her down from her usual hang out spot upstairs to spend some time with us on Christmas Day, and when we’d tried to take her back to her room, she’d growled indicating she’d prefer to stay downstairs and explore. Also, could we please put that other cat in the basement–the shifty eyed one?

We complied with Toes’s requests and brought her kitty litter down just in case she needed to go. Which it turned out she did. But rather than situating herself fully in the litter box, when my Dad spotted her pooping, Toes had her front paws in the box but her back paws and butt out over the carpet.

This makes so much sense–my mom and I concurred. We’d both often found Toes’s poops near but not in the kitty litter and assumed somehow those poops had gotten kicked out of the box (which doesn’t make a whole lot of sense from a physics perspective but how much thought are you going to give to the mechanics of your cat’s poop…other than this whole post).

We weren’t mad at Toes at all for her failure to make it fully into the litter. She’s an old girl, and it takes some work for her to step in and out of the box. Rather, we celebrated how considerate she was to make the effort to go to the litter even when she knew she couldn’t make it all the way in. It’s the thought that counts, right?

Committing to Change

When I signed up to run my first marathon (which I’m planning to do this March), there was one registration question I found odd. It asked about my relationship with running and whether I considered myself a casual or committed runner.

“I’m signing up for a marathon,” I thought. “This is my demonstration of commitment. What more do you want from me?”

Despite my initial reaction, I selected casual on the form. And in the months that followed, I found out what they meant by commitment. Starting with the week I was set to begin my training when it rained every day in Atlanta.

Commitment is scrutinizing weather radar maps hoping you can sneak in a run between showers.

There was the time I spent with my family over the holidays. One of my favorite things to do when I’m home is walk with my mom in Spring Grove Cemetery. But I needed to get my runs in while I was there so instead we’d go to the cemetery together and she would walk while I ran.

Commitment is asking the people in your life to give you the space and support you need to accomplish your goals.

This past week traveling to Baltimore I needed to get a long run in, and I was excited for it going into the trip because I love running by water (and don’t get to do a lot of that in Atlanta). But then the weather in Baltimore turned out to be cold and dreary.

Commitment is gearing up and getting out there anyway.

When I did make it out for a run, there was a lot of stopping and starting because of traffic lights and looking at my map to see where I was going and needing to find a bathroom and a disjointed route that followed the rectangular piers along the shoreline. Eventually I had to cut the run way short to make it back to my hotel in time for dinner.

Commitment is trying again in the face of failure.

When I made it out again on a cold Saturday morning in Baltimore, I was rewarded with less traffic, clearer paths, and better views. Looking out over the harbor from Federal Hill Park was a mountaintop moment in the figurative sense (and a hilltop moment in the literal sense). Beautiful views and a sense of connection to a city that’s not mine—this is why I run.

Commitment is slogging through the tough moments, spending a lot of time in neutral, and relishing those mountaintop moments when you get what you came for.

Tuesdays with Toes – Gotcha Day

Recently I’ve become familiar with the hashtag #gotchaday on Instagram. It signifies an adoption day, and a search for pictures with the hashtag reveals it’s used for both child and pet adoptions.

I didn’t have Instagram when we first adopted Toes, but if I had, I doubt I would have used #gotchaday to share pics of her. First, I tend not to use hashtags much because of the potential for exposure. Don’t get me wrong–I like sharing things on the Internet. That’s why I have this blog! But I find the idea of going viral pretty terrifying so I tend to keep my hashtagging to a minimum (although I’m working to address this fear).

Beyond my hesitations around hashtags, I also likely wouldn’t have captioned a picture of Toes with #gotchaday because that’s not how I felt the day we officially adopted her. Picking Toes up from the DeKalb County animal shelter after having sent her there for rabies quarantine, my feeling was more, OMG, ARE WE REALLY DOING THIS? A sentiment that would perhaps best be captured by the grimacing face emoji rather than a hashtag.

At the shelter, I remember sitting on plastic chairs in a small room that smelled of cats and dogs while we waited for them to bring us Toes. I could feel my allergies activate (I have them to both cats and dogs). We were handed a clipboard with forms we signed to indicate we were accepting responsibility for Toes’s care. It all felt very official. And my response to making this formal contract was low level panic.

Taking Toes out of the shelter, I felt a brief bit of relief as I breathed in the fresh air only to be hit with fear again when we loaded her carrier into the car. We were really taking her home. It wasn’t until we were home with her in the garage that the fear subsided again. We’d set out kitty litter for her, and as I watched Toes use the bathroom for the first time, I swelled with pride and thought, THAT’S MY CAT. SHE KNOWS HOW TO USE KITTY LITTER.

I don’t know where my first picture of Toes is, but this is the first one I posted on Instagram (interestingly enough with the #catsofinstagram despite my fears of hashtags). It’s one of my favorite pictures of her.

Tuesdays with Toes – Leave Me to My Taco

“You may pet me here,” Toes seemed to be saying as we greeted her in her room at my parents’ house after nearly a month apart. She lay in her cheetah taco bed next to the heater. “This is where I live now.”

Did I expect her to get up to say hello to us? Yes. But she didn’t. And in that moment I knew. Regardless of how much I’d missed having her home, Toes wanted to spend the rest of the winter in Cincinnati where she could stay inside my parents house cozied up next to the heater in her taco.

My parents felt the same way and so it was decided that Toes would stay in Cincinnati for a little longer. Until Spring comes to Atlanta and Toes can enjoy her other favorite activity–basking in the sunshine in the backyard.

Tuesdays with Toes – Hopes of a Purr

Frequent readers of Tuesdays with Toes today you are in for a treat! I am excited to share this week’s guest post written by my mom, Deb Zureick. She and my dad have been taking care of Toes during her winter vacation in Cincinnati. Like me, my mom has found there are many lessons to learn from Toes.

The older I get the more I want to enjoy life – I even made that my 2019 resolution. I appreciate the importance of love and have been focusing a lot lately on what in my life I love. The list is long and what a great feeling that is. For me that feeling reminds me of a cat purring all comfy and warm and loved.

Toes, the cat, is a guest in our house for a few months. She is a bit crotchety, a little mean, and she’s old. Reminds me of myself in many ways. I get it with the achy joints, enjoying time alone, and just wishing to run & play crazy like back in the day. I sympathize with her completely. We do our best to make her accommodations comfortable for an old cat – a room all for her with books and paintings, kitty litter and food close by, carpeted floor, and a sweet faux cheetah fur bed aligned next to the heat register. She seems to enjoy the lodgings.

Watching this old cat and knowing what a hard time she has gone through, I sure would be glad to do what I can to make her life enjoyable. What I want for Toes is for her to curl up on my lap and purr with contentment, but I would gladly take any purr. So I brush her hair, play music in her room for her to listen to, my husband serenades her, and we talk to her about how beautiful she is. Hopefully we will get a peep of a purr out of her before she heads back home to Atlanta. It would be so nice if Toes and I could share that warm, comfy love.

Costs and Benefits of Change

Change requires investment. Today I want to talk about the different types of costs we face when we look to make change in our lives and how we can compare these to the benefits we might accrue from making change.

MONEY. It’s the most obvious cost we pay for change and the feasibility of making a particular change is easily quantifiable in this area. For example, last year I wanted to be better about my finances so I paid for YNAB, a budgeting app. The price for the app is currently $6.99/month, but I know I’ve saved a lot more than that by using it so it’s a worthwhile investment. I’d love to solve my current cleaning dilemma by hiring a professional, but thanks to YNAB I know this isn’t feasible monetarily right now. So instead I paid a one time fee for a cleaning app, and I’m prepared to invest my own…

TIME. It’s such a finite resource when you get down to it. So any change you’re looking to make, you have to ask yourself if it’s worthwhile enough to invest your time. Keep in mind many changes require a lot of time up front to plan, learn a new skill, etc., but the time costs sink dramatically once you’ve acquired the skill and the change becomes routine. For example, when David and I moved in together, we spent a lot of time learning how to cook by watching food shows, making recipes from cookbooks, and going to one awesome class on sausage and bacon making in San Francisco. We’re no longer as “into food” as we were when we lived in the Bay Area, but we can easily pull together a nice dinner now because we invested that time long ago.

SOCIAL. There are a lot of elements to this with the most obvious cost being that change might mean disassociating with certain people in your life. Perhaps they’re not supportive of the change you’re making or your new routine doesn’t allow you to spend time doing the social activities you engaged in with them. Remember, though, change can also bring new people into your life and improve your current relationships. For instance, I’d say that gaining a better understanding of our finances over the past year has improved my marriage by 3%. I’m hopeful establishing a better cleaning routine results in another 3% improvement this year.

OTHER OPPORTUNITIES. Choosing to make a change in one particular area can leave us without enough money, time, energy, etc. to make changes in other areas. An easy example–I love taking classes, but there are only so many classes I can afford and have time to take. I have to consider what’s most important for me right now. Is it becoming a better on camera actor? Learning to rock climb? Improving my photography skills? Being clear on what change you’re making and what changes you’ll have to forgo for the time being can help focus your efforts and make success more likely.

EMOTIONAL. I’ve saved this variable for last because it’s complicated, difficult to quantify, and the cost I find most overwhelming when I’m looking to make change. The challenge I’m trying to take on this year is a perfect example. I have so much baggage around cleaning that engaging in it involves not only physical labor on my part but emotional labor as well. When I go to clean my tub, I’m not just cleaning the tub–I’m confronting past decisions and fears. It’s exhausting, and in the past, the mental toll has felt like too much. But now, building on success in other areas, I’m hopeful I can take my cleaning from sporadic and driven by necessity to routine. And I’m hopeful that by engaging with it more cleaning will become less emotionally taxing for me.

To summarize, when you’re looking to make a change it’s important to ask yourself these questions:

How much will this change cost monetarily? How does this monetary cost compare to the anticipated gains?
What time investment is required to make this change? Will making this investment save me time later on once I’ve acquired the skill, made this a habit, etc.?
How will this change affect my relationships? Will I lose touch with certain people? Will new people come into my life? Will making this change improve my relationships?
By choosing to make this change, what other changes will I not be able to make? Is this change more important to me than those changes?
Am I emotionally ready to make this change? If not, are there other changes that I can make that will help me prepare for this change? How will I emotionally benefit from this change?

The Token Start

January 1, 2019 I tackled two tasks in my kitchen: cleaning out my refrigerator and replacing bulbs in the overhead light fixture which had been down to one bulb out of three for far too long.

My intention in taking on these tasks was to jumpstart progress on my New Year’s resolution to declutter and develop a more consistent cleaning routine around my home. I figured Day 1 I’d take on something small, a token gesture to signal my enthusiasm, and then Day 2 I’d really get to work.

But Day 2 came and my schedule shifted unexpectedly as it often does. So instead of cleaning the living room, dining room, and bedroom as I’d planned, I took on another token gesture–clearing the clutter from my bedside table and wiping it down.

Now here we are at Day 3, and I’m hopeful I can make a dent in the living room tasks listed as overdue on Tody, an app I’m using to keep track of what needs cleaning. Even if I don’t manage to finish everything listed on the app, I’ll still have made progress.

Three days into the new year my house isn’t as clean as I’d like, but my kitchen is brighter and the fridge feels fresh. My bedside table is clear and calm. And I’m hopeful that by being consistent and tackling something daily I’ll be able to develop the cleaning routine I’m aiming for this year.

Tuesdays with Toes – New Year, New Routine

Happy New Year from me and Toes! In the spirit of the holiday, I’m highlighting the benefits of routine in today’s post.

The story of how Toes came into my life is one I’ve wanted to tell for awhile. I first developed material related to this theme back in early 2017 when I took a stand up comedy class. But it wasn’t until I established Tuesdays with Toes in the latter part of 2018 that I gave myself sufficient incentive and a means to document my somewhat strange relationship with my cat.

It can be hard to start big projects and make big changes. One thing I’ve found helpful is tying work or change into a routine or a habit that I can do daily, weekly, or every Monday, Thursday, and Saturday at approximately 3:42pm.

Today marks the sixteenth weekly installment of this series. I appreciate those of you who have been following Toes’s story. There’s more to come! And you know when I’ll be sharing it–every Tuesday (with Toes)!